I don't even know what to say. There is so much but it all comes across as whining and I hate that. I suppose I'll wait for a more positive day if that ever arrives..

And it Starts..

..the asshatery. (I know that's not a real word because my Mac has underlined it red, but yeah)

I really don't want to make this a husband-bashing place but seems like it will be, at least for the time being because I need to vent.

First, I woke up to him saying something along the lines of "You know, you don't need to be so snippy about this.."
You know what? I can be as 'snippy' as I damn well please. Thing is, I wasn't even being snippy-- I was just sending along some information. If he took it as snippy then fine. I listened to and put up with his verbal tirades for the last six years, not even snippy but full on MEAN and ABUSIVE. Snippy? SNIPPY? Ok, enough on that..

Second, he changed the eBay password. Now THIS makes me want to be snippy. We had almost 500 on feedback (oh how I wanted the new color of star that eBay offered for 500 *sniff*) Over 400 of those babies were mine and mine alone. Now I get to start all over on eBay from zero. We all know that eBay sellers don't like to deal with people who have zero on their feedback. ASSHAT!

Third, he still doesn't know my grandma has passed away. Why? Because he hasn't asked! I've been thinking back to the past months where I said things along the lines of "Yeah, grandma isn't doing too well.. we may have to put her in a home."
*cricket chirps*
Seriously, it was like I hadn't said a damn thing.
Or "My aunt says my grandma is really going downhill fast. I feel so bad for her. "
*cricket chirps and tumbleweed blows by*
NOTHING. Way to be supportive, dude.

Yes, I think I have finally reached my angry stage.

Happy birthday to me!
I had a bit of an emotional setback tonight. Started feeling sad for the first time in weeks.. the fact that I'm starting my life anew at this age etc. And I was feeling bad for the husbundt ** because I think he will be alone the rest of his life and I also wonder if he has some sort of mental imbalance.
He used to be wonderful. Hell, I wouldn't have married him if he hadn't been. I wonder what changed. When did he decide to become so cruel? And why??


**don't want to call him that anymore as it's too cute-- what's a good name for a soon to be ex???

Happy times.. I'm ready for them!

My grandma passed away yesterday evening. I was in the supermarket checkout (of all places) when I got the text from my cousin.

I hope she is in a better place now. I don't believe in god.. but when people I love die, I like to think that they go to a nice place where I can one day see them again. 

I'm really in need of some sunshine and happy things.

I am so behind..

There is a bit of family drama going on. My aunt had to take my grandma in to live with her and my grandma has been unresponsive since. They even had the priest in to give her her last rites and she wouldn't even open her mouth for communion. Hospice has told us it's the end and to stop offering her food and water. It's so sad, she looks so frail.

Then there is my own shit with the separation and divorce. Don't ask. It's about to get nasty I can tell.

Lastly, I finally started my second job today. I like it a lot but man, it's a lot to learn! I am responsible for 16 teachers and all the weekly lesson plans--- which are also 16! Yikes. 

I really, really hope I can work two jobs, cope with my grandma's death and the family drama it entails.. and then deal with my impending divorce and not lose my mind. Yes, my plate is FULL.

Here I am

I've been in Utah a week and a half now. In this week and a half I:

a) found two part time jobs that pay extremely well (more than I was making in Chicagoland) One of them I am even a supervisor and get my own desk. *grins* I was a bit worried about no longer teaching, since I like it. Then I got the second job, where I get to teach instead of supervise the teachers. So basically, the two jobs balance each other out!  And overall income is 25% more than I was making in Illinois. So all good!

b) Got my car inspected for safety and emissions and then registered in Utah for an outrageous fee of $260. WTH??? Next up, drivers license..

c) Spent an amazing amount of time with my family. My dad was in town from Portland and my mom is still in town from Washington (state) because my Grandma is on her deathbed pretty much. Also getting to see my niece and nephew and spend time with them :)

d) Had my hair done by a friend I have had for over 20 years now.. the wonderful Ginger. She cut it short (six inches off the front and about 8 inches in the back) and dyed it a loverly color. I FEEL pretty.

e) Went to the dentist and established a plan to make my teeth beautiful (German dentists don't believe in polishing teeth so my teeth needed some tender loving care!) No new cavities but he does want to rip out the old metal ones in my mouth and replace them. It will all cost me $700 after insurance. Not too bad considering I need two crowns-- my awesome insurance means I only have to pay $268 out of my pocket per crown.

d) Built my self-esteem up as much as I could. It was long overdue. I needed it. Still working on that one though.. it will take time.