New home

I move into my own place next Wednesday. I am so excited to have my own space again. Before getting married, I LOVED living alone. My stuff, my mess.. no cleaning up after anyone else, decorating as I wish etc. Only thing I am going to be lacking is a dog :( I can play with the landlord's Welsh Terrier, Yoshi I'm sure and he will have to suffice until I have the time to get a dog of my own.
I spent about $500 at Ikea the other day and got this bed:

Total princess bed, right?

The husband would have hated it..  which gives me all the more reason to love it :)

New ink :)

And a mere $13, too!
Cathedral Tattoos did a Friday the 13th promotion for Cause for Paws, so all proceeds from the tattoos went to help homeless doggies and kitties. So I got cheap ink PLUS helped the animals :) I guess they did about 160 tattoos on Friday. I'd believe it because my friend and I were there for for about 7 hours waiting (she was there even longer)
This particular design, and all designs they did that day are called "Flash" tattoos. It dates back to sailors getting into ports and getting a quick tattoo done. So for the Friday the 13th event, they had all pre-chosen "Flash" (very old school) and you could choose from that selection. No customs or alternations to the design. I like this little bird though.. plus it's my first tattoo with actual color! :)

I don't even know what to say. There is so much but it all comes across as whining and I hate that. I suppose I'll wait for a more positive day if that ever arrives..

And it Starts..

..the asshatery. (I know that's not a real word because my Mac has underlined it red, but yeah)

I really don't want to make this a husband-bashing place but seems like it will be, at least for the time being because I need to vent.

First, I woke up to him saying something along the lines of "You know, you don't need to be so snippy about this.."
You know what? I can be as 'snippy' as I damn well please. Thing is, I wasn't even being snippy-- I was just sending along some information. If he took it as snippy then fine. I listened to and put up with his verbal tirades for the last six years, not even snippy but full on MEAN and ABUSIVE. Snippy? SNIPPY? Ok, enough on that..

Second, he changed the eBay password. Now THIS makes me want to be snippy. We had almost 500 on feedback (oh how I wanted the new color of star that eBay offered for 500 *sniff*) Over 400 of those babies were mine and mine alone. Now I get to start all over on eBay from zero. We all know that eBay sellers don't like to deal with people who have zero on their feedback. ASSHAT!

Third, he still doesn't know my grandma has passed away. Why? Because he hasn't asked! I've been thinking back to the past months where I said things along the lines of "Yeah, grandma isn't doing too well.. we may have to put her in a home."
*cricket chirps*
Seriously, it was like I hadn't said a damn thing.
Or "My aunt says my grandma is really going downhill fast. I feel so bad for her. "
*cricket chirps and tumbleweed blows by*
NOTHING. Way to be supportive, dude.

Yes, I think I have finally reached my angry stage.

Happy birthday to me!
I had a bit of an emotional setback tonight. Started feeling sad for the first time in weeks.. the fact that I'm starting my life anew at this age etc. And I was feeling bad for the husbundt ** because I think he will be alone the rest of his life and I also wonder if he has some sort of mental imbalance.
He used to be wonderful. Hell, I wouldn't have married him if he hadn't been. I wonder what changed. When did he decide to become so cruel? And why??


**don't want to call him that anymore as it's too cute-- what's a good name for a soon to be ex???

Happy times.. I'm ready for them!

My grandma passed away yesterday evening. I was in the supermarket checkout (of all places) when I got the text from my cousin.

I hope she is in a better place now. I don't believe in god.. but when people I love die, I like to think that they go to a nice place where I can one day see them again. 

I'm really in need of some sunshine and happy things.

I am so behind..

There is a bit of family drama going on. My aunt had to take my grandma in to live with her and my grandma has been unresponsive since. They even had the priest in to give her her last rites and she wouldn't even open her mouth for communion. Hospice has told us it's the end and to stop offering her food and water. It's so sad, she looks so frail.

Then there is my own shit with the separation and divorce. Don't ask. It's about to get nasty I can tell.

Lastly, I finally started my second job today. I like it a lot but man, it's a lot to learn! I am responsible for 16 teachers and all the weekly lesson plans--- which are also 16! Yikes. 

I really, really hope I can work two jobs, cope with my grandma's death and the family drama it entails.. and then deal with my impending divorce and not lose my mind. Yes, my plate is FULL.

Here I am

I've been in Utah a week and a half now. In this week and a half I:

a) found two part time jobs that pay extremely well (more than I was making in Chicagoland) One of them I am even a supervisor and get my own desk. *grins* I was a bit worried about no longer teaching, since I like it. Then I got the second job, where I get to teach instead of supervise the teachers. So basically, the two jobs balance each other out!  And overall income is 25% more than I was making in Illinois. So all good!

b) Got my car inspected for safety and emissions and then registered in Utah for an outrageous fee of $260. WTH??? Next up, drivers license..

c) Spent an amazing amount of time with my family. My dad was in town from Portland and my mom is still in town from Washington (state) because my Grandma is on her deathbed pretty much. Also getting to see my niece and nephew and spend time with them :)

d) Had my hair done by a friend I have had for over 20 years now.. the wonderful Ginger. She cut it short (six inches off the front and about 8 inches in the back) and dyed it a loverly color. I FEEL pretty.

e) Went to the dentist and established a plan to make my teeth beautiful (German dentists don't believe in polishing teeth so my teeth needed some tender loving care!) No new cavities but he does want to rip out the old metal ones in my mouth and replace them. It will all cost me $700 after insurance. Not too bad considering I need two crowns-- my awesome insurance means I only have to pay $268 out of my pocket per crown.

d) Built my self-esteem up as much as I could. It was long overdue. I needed it. Still working on that one though.. it will take time.

Stupid. Idiot. Fat. Ugly. Liar. Thief. Disgusting. Bitch. Lazy. Worthless. Might as well jump off a bridge. Nobody likes you. You have no friends. Trash. Dumb.

This is what I have heard almost daily for the last six years and this is why I left my husband today.
I've driven across two states so far and I have two more to go until I get to my sister's where I will attempt to put my life back together.

This, then bed

Age: 30s
Bed size: It's a queen, but from Germany so it's a few inches wider than an American queen
Chore you hate: Toilets! Yuck
Dogs: I wish :(
Essential start to your day: Bathroom
Favorite color: Black, red and pink
Gold or silver:  White gold
Height: 5’10" (almost 5'11")
Instruments that you can play:  I've played the clarinet and the ukulele. Doesn't mean I can play them now though.
Job title: Direct Support Professional/Advocate 
Kids: No thanks
Live: Chicagoland
Mom’s name: Susan
Nicknames: the husbundt calls me 'baby'
Overnight hospital stays: 4
Pet peeve: ignorance
Quote from a movie: "It's so FLUFFY I'm gonna die!" Despicable Me
Righty or lefty: Righty.
Sibling: Two older sisters, one younger half sister, three older step brothers
Time you wake up:  10 or 11am on weekdays, 5 frikkin' 45 on weekends 
Underwear: boy shorts
Vegetables you dislike:  Chinese mushrooms and brussel sprouts
What makes you run late: my husband!
X-rays: teeth, hand, fingers, face, chest, knees, hip, shoulder and an MRI
Yummy food you make:  I make an excellent lasagna, chili, veggie soup. Actually, I'm a good cook :)
Zoo favorite animal: polar bears

Incredibly Sweet

Jenner at Jennerally Speaking gave me this award!  :)

Now I'm supposed to post five random things about myself. I like randomness :

1.  I was born in Wellington, New Zealand. Grew up in Utah. Moved to Germany. Then moved to England. Back to Germany. And I've been back in the USA for two months now. Funny thing is, I'm not in the military!

Three continents & four countries later..

2. I've recently become allergic to carrots. No idea how this came about as I've eaten them my whole life, up until 6 months ago when I had my first reaction. I thought maybe it was just German carrots and I tried them again upon coming back to the States. Nope. Still allergic. It's tragic really.. I loved cooking with carrots and I especially loved them in my salad.   

I'll miss you :(

3.  Freaky, big-eyed dolls! I never really had dolls as a kid. I was a complete tomboy playing with GI Joe action figures, Hot Wheels, sticks and play guns etc. I never owned a Barbie.
Now I love creepy dolls! I have four Blythes. I also have two Susie Sad Eyes from the 1960s and one Little Miss No Name from 1965. I really, really want a 1972 Emerald the Enchanting Witch doll now. 

Isn't she lovely? (not my photo)

4. My husband is German. Like 100% German and from Germany. I find this 100% a bit odd as most of us Americans are 20% this and 70% that. He isn't big on his own culture though. Meaning you won't find him dressed like this:

My husband doesn't even like BEER

5.  I'm extremely neat. Obsessive compulsive about it really. I'm a bit like Monica on Friends. If I had a label maker I would use it, I don't so I make my own labels :) I like compartmentalizing everything in the house. Putting things in boxes. Boxes inside of boxes. Everything in order and everything in it's place. You could ask me where anything is and I could tell you.. down to which drawer and which side of the drawer. Probably even what it's next to.

Yes, my drawers DO look like this

Random Happenings at Work Tonight

1) We had meatloaf and mashed potatoes for dinner. One of the boys, who isn't completely coherent when it comes to making sentences, picked up the meatloaf on his fork and asked in a very serious tone "Is this poop?" I about died laughing. I had to leave the room. I heard him ask about four times until he was absolutely sure.

2) Much later in the evening when most boys were in bed.. our resident 'juvie' was hanging out and talking to staff. I noticed his hands were really dry from doing the dishes and asked him if he wanted some lotion. He said he had some in his room. I went to find it but couldn't. All he had was shampoo, a small tube of Vaseline, toothpaste and deodorant. I went and got the community lotion from the laundry room for him. When I handed it to him he said "This isn't mine" I told him "I couldn't find yours, all I saw was a small tube of Vaseline and I figured that was for something else." He didn't even miss a beat and said "OH HELL NOOOOO"
OMG I didn't mean it like that! I swear I was the one blushing! I'd just figured the Vaseline was for his lips. Kid thought I was calling him out on something! 

I doubt I'll ever be able to eat meatloaf again, or view Vaseline in the same way.. but I do really love my job :)

Grammar

It's bad enough that my co-workers say "axe" for ASK and "woke" for AWAKE..  now I've got people on Facebook saying "take it for granite" instead of GRANTED.

What, did they think it was marble? Quartz?

Oh, and that Gain commercial where they use the word "gooder?" It makes my skin crawl!

Ugh.

Strohwitwe

Olaf just left for Toronto/Waterloo for work for this week. I won't see him until I get home late Friday night. I probably won't have the chance to actually have a conversation with him until Saturday afternoon.

In German they call this "Strohwitwe" and I make reference to this often. It basically means that your spouse is away and you are home alone. The English translation that I found says "straw or grass widow" which to me doesn't mean much of anything..  unless one of you knows something I don't!

Meet me on Monday (2)

1. What jewelry do you wear 24/7?  My wedding band and the studs in my upper ear holes.When Olaf asked me to marry him he asked me if I wanted a diamond and back then I didn't.. now I kinda wish I had one. I have a thick white gold band. The top four holes in my one ear are black onyx studs. Silver. I hate yellow gold.

2. Do you twirl your spaghetti or cut it?  I twirl. But just with my fork and plate! It still manages to dangle down and hit my chin. I suppose there is a reason people always say to never order spaghetti on a first date ;)

3. How many siblings do you have? I have two older sisters-

From my wedding, 10+ years ago

I also have a half-sister from my dad's second marriage, three step-brothers and one step-sister (deceased) from my mom's second marriage.

4. Were you named after anyone? Yes, Mary Tyler Moore's character in The Dick Van Dyke show, which was WAY before my time but my mom always loved the name. My dad picked our middle names and that's how I got Danielle. 

Mary Tyler Moore and Dick Van Dyke

5. Coke or Pepsi?  I don't really care. I like Pepsi Max and Coke Zero. I know, aspartame is evil but I rarely drink the stuff so I think I'm ok. 

Random husbundt sayings

My husbundt is fascinated with string cheese.
He asked me last night, "Is this a new, American invention?"

I found this absolutely adorable! :)

Kiss Me, I'm Irish!

If you do kiss me, you'll have to make it a French kiss as my other half is French! LOL

A Questionaire

1. What is your idea of perfect happiness?

It's quite simple really; a sweet dog lounging near my side, a good book and a cold beer. All on a hot summer's day.

2. What is your greatest fear?
Death, my own or that of a loved one.


3. Which historical figure do you most identify with?
Whichever was caring yet impulsive. Beat's me.

3. What is the trait you most deplore in yourself?
I don't stick up for myself enough.

4. What is the trait you most deplore in others?
Oh there are so many. To name a few; egoism, sexism, racism.. ignorance basically. Violent tenancies. Pettiness.

5. What do you most value in your friends?
Good times. Loyalty. Laughter.

6. Which words or phrases do you most overuse?
I picked this up in Germany.. "super." Used by itself, to say something is great or fantastic. I know, I sound like Marcia Brady.


Isn't she super?

 7. What is your favorite journey?
I've been on too many journeys the last 12 years! I want to just stay put and get settled. No journeys for me, personal or otherwise thankyouverymuch.

8. What do you consider the most overrated virtue?
Maybe chastity?

9. What is your favorite occupation?
Probably the one I have now. After fifteen years I returned to it and I really do love it.

10. What do you dislike most about your appearance?
At the moment it's my face. I still can't get used to the weather/climate here and it is wreaking havoc on my skin.

11. What is your greatest regret?
Not having stayed in school (University) It kinda sucks to be as old as I am and not have a degree under my belt.

12. What or who is the greatest love of your life?
Betsey was. Man, I loved that dog. I miss her so so so so so much.


Bestey in Italy, 2003

13. When and where were you happiest?
My wedding was pretty great. Oh sorry.. my wedding was pretty super ;)

14. If you could change one thing about yourself, what would it be?
I know it's shallow.. but the extra 20 pounds I've been carrying around the last ten years!

15. What do you consider your greatest achievement?
My ability to move and adjust. And move and adjust again. And again. And again. Oh wait.. and again.

16. What is your most treasured possession?
Probably my laptop.. just because all my photos are on here and this is where all my friends live :)

17. What do you regard as the lowest depth of misery?
Losing a loved one.

18. Where would you like to live?
Of all the places I've lived and visited so far, I still say Germany. Maybe even Austria or off the Adriatic in Italy. All I know is I need mountains and water, be it a lake or ocean.


19. What is your most marked characteristic?
Probably my height. I'm 5'11" and that's pretty tall!

20. What is your greatest extravagance?
My freaky big-eyed dolls. I don't know anyone else who spends that much money on dolls.



They've got such pretty hair, though!

21. What are the qualities you most like in a man?
Sense of humor, good work ethic.. same taste in music

22. Who are your favorite writers?
Laurell K. Hamilton, Charlaine Harris, Karen Marie Moning, Diana Gabaldon, C.S. Lewis, J.R.R. Tolkien and Charlotte Bronte

23. How would you like to die?
Painlessly

24. Who is your favorite hero of fiction?
Eric Northman ;)


He can bite me ANY time!

25. Who are your heroes in real life?
My mom.

26. What is your motto?
For the longest time it's been "If you do what you've always done, you'll be what you've always been." Meaning if you don't change anything or do something different, things won't change on their own. You'll always be the same.

Meet me on Monday

1.  Do you have a fireplace in your home?  No, and I'd love one. The house we are in actually has the option, but since we rent..

Then again, it'd take up a lot of space in the living room, which I already find a bit on the small size. Maybe I'll just get one of those fireplace DVDs for the TV.

2. Can you drive a stick shift?  YES. I actually prefer stick. I was a bit bummed when Olaf got me an automatic. Driving a stick is so much more fun. 

3. How many computers are in your home?  Three working. Two broken. I love my Mac ♥

4. Are your taxes done yet?  Do you do them yourself?  Uh, no. We only just did our 2009 German taxes and ended up having to pay €2K. Not fun. 



5.  What is your favorite meal of the day?  I like them all!! LOL. Speaking of which.. I'm hungry.

Another meme

1. What is your favorite way to eat potatoes? 

I love them mashed. And with garlic and/or onion. Mashed potatoes are a total comfort food for me :)

2. What was the last package that was delivered to your house? 
My awesome sister sent me an electric blanket for Christmas. Yes, three months late but I was moving so it's ok :) It's the same pattern as my Burberry bag and I LOVE it

3. What is your favorite scent that you love to smell? 
The top of Betsey's head was always my number one. I wish I could have bottled that smell. All her smells.. I miss her so much :(

4. Do you smoke? 

Ick, NO

5. Are your parents married or divorced? 
They got divorced when I was a toddler. I can't even remember them together so it's ok.
My dad is on his third wife, my mom on her second husband. I'm actually happy they never made it as a couple.. they are so different I can't even imagine why they ever even got married. Seriously.

Just another meme

1. What are you wearing right now? 

A black Ramones t-shirt, orange and pink pajama bottoms and hot pink slippers. Nobody said it was a fashion show.. and it's my day off!

2. Do you have any freckles?
No but I have a Friendly Freckles Blythe doll named Pepper Wren :)

3. What is your favorite Lifesaver flavor? 

I haven't had a Lifesaver in over 12 years. I couldn't even tell you!

4. What is the last movie you saw in the theater?
Kite Runner? It was YEARS ago... 

5. Would you rather live without tv or without music?
That's a horrible question! I'm going to cheat, I'll say without music (but I know I can get my music via TV.. so there :) Haha)

A Handwriting Meme

The questions are:
1.  What's your name/blog name?
2. Blog URL?
3. Write " the quick brown fox jumps over the lazy dog".
4. What's your favorite quote?
5. Favorite song?
6. Favorite band/singer?
7. Anything random you wanna say?
8. Tag 3 bloggers